


Dreams, their effect on reality, and vice versa

by jaydie42069



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Humor as a coping mechanism, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Slow Burn, Soda Kazuichi-Centric, abuse tw, and abuse, homophobia tw, just based on my own experiences with my sexuality, just mentions so far
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23763688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaydie42069/pseuds/jaydie42069
Summary: Kaz was gonna explode, not literally but it damn well felt like it. He was sat up in his bed and felt his world unravel around him. If you were to ask him a year or so from now, he’d say that was one of the best things that ever happened to him but right now it feels like his world is ending, and in a way, it is.(Previously named "Kaz has feelings and deals with it the best he can")
Relationships: Soda Kazuichi & Tanaka Gundham, Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham, Sonia Nevermind & Soda Kazuichi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 145





	1. Kaz has realizations

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I've written a fic since 2018. I'm going to update as often as I can and I would love if someone could give me some tips! Thanks for reading!

Kaz was gonna explode, not literally but it damn well felt like it. He was sat up in his bed and felt his world unravel around him. If you were to ask him a year or so from now, he’d say that was one of the best things that ever happened to him but right now it feels like his world is ending, and in a way, it is. 

Kaz wasn’t someone to believe every thought that came across his head, call it being stupid and knowing it or call it the years of emotional abuse breaking down his feeling of validity towards his emotions, but every cell in his body at this moment is screaming at him that the dream he just had meant something. Now it didn’t take too long to figure out what it was saying, because it was a rather short dream. He was standing in a room and on the other side was a man. Dream Kaz made eye contact with the other man, thought “fuck it”, walked over and kissed him. Kazuichi had previously held the belief that he was 100% undeniably heterosexual but in about .5 seconds (or 8 hours depending on the way you look at it) that idea was blown wide open. 

He sat in bed for what felt like an eternity collapsing into a single second, eventually, he got up on autopilot to start his day while his mind took a break for a while. When he snapped to his senses he was eating toast on a chair in the living room. It was near the end of summer vacation and his parents were out of the house for work so he had free reign of the place for a few hours until he had to join his dad at the shop. He would usually be hype as fuck about having some time free of the berating from his father but being free from anything but his emotions felt like more hell than heaven at the moment. 

He’d had gay thoughts before and drowned them out but right now there was no way he could deny or forget it. It was just a dream so he should be able to but his mind wasn’t letting him. Now that he was thinking about it this all made a lot of sense, the best friends he was a bit too close to and the weird feelings towards classmates because damn he is way too cool and attractive how  _ annoying.  _ “Oh god, I’m homophobic as fuck sometimes, god being gay is exhausting... oh my god I’m gay. Like really, truly not straight. Fuck.” and with that thought, he walked into the bathroom.

“So… men...right?” ...what?... “God, I don’t know how to talk to you,” he was staring at his face in the mirror and felt several things all at once that he didn’t understand what exactly. He knew this wasn’t a bad thing but it felt very, very bad. And he knew it would continue to feel bad and it would feel even worse when he eventually had to tell people. 

“I could just… not? Like...I like girls, that is not up for debate here, maybe I just stick with them! That would be preferable…ok, so repression! Nice.” and so he went on with his day ignoring his emotions and drowning them out with music, that is until he got to the shop. 

He got to work at 12:30 pm on the dot, he’s not in the mood to piss his dad off this early. When he got there his father was working on a truck he’d never seen before, “Sick! New customer, happy Dad,” he thought before heading over to the motorcycle he’d been working on to do last minute check-ups before it’s picked up by its owner rather early in the day. Afterward, it was a relatively calm day, only a few comments from his dad about his uselessness and the day was just about done. 

“Souda I’m heading out and  _ trusting  _ you to not fuck this up, the owner of that truck is picking it up,” his dad bitched, “don’t lose us another customer.” And then he was alone, in reality, Souda had never lost them a customer but his Dad wasn’t about to just take the blame for his actions and so our spiky pink boy gets shit for it every day. 

Most of the work for the day was done so Kaz began tinkering on his own bike, which he was looking to make completely illegal to drive, while he waited for the owner of the truck to pick it up at 5. It wasn’t until the bell from the front lobby snapped him out of it that he was completely hyperfocused on it. 

“Just a second!” he called out before stumbling into the office. He turned to see the customer standing in front of the main desk to his right and for fuck’s sake he  _ cannot  _ catch a break today. Not for lack of trying, but as soon as he saw the customer he became fully aware that he was one of the most beautiful men he’d ever seen. Not hot, not handsome, but  _ beautiful.  _ He was tall with dark, striped hair and dressed for completely the wrong weather and Kaz was dumbstruck. 

“Hello?” the customer asked, looking slightly concerned which caused Kaz to realize he was very obviously staring. “Oh hey, sorry. Um, what can I help you with?” 

“I was hoping to pick up my dark conveyance.” 

“Uh, what?”

“Excuse me, I meant my truck.” Oh, he was weird. Maybe that’ll help ease the attraction.

“Oh yeah, I have it right back here if you’d follow me.” and to that, the customer beamed under his weirdly heavy-looking scarf and Kaz’s prior hope for heterosexuality shattered. And he didn’t know it then but, he felt comfortable with that, for just a second.


	2. Ruh roh real feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knew he couldn’t tell his Dad but he has to tell someone... right? Right, no way he’s chickening out of this shit, he has to talk to someone about this, he just needs to find the right someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so... it's been 5 months. oopsies! sorry for the wait I was rly busy with my daddy issues. ANYWAYS! Once again, if you have any notes or remarks, please comment them. They're very appreciated. This is based on my own experiences. TW he talks abt his dad being abusive and homophobic in this one.

After the day at the shop ended, Kaz made a b-line for his room with leftovers, he was tired from the long day and smelled like oil and sweat, but that was a problem for future him, he decided. As he sat down on his floor with his food, his mind drifted back to the truck owner from earlier. Thinking about it hurt, his dad was never accepting of…any minority ever and he sure as hell already gave Kaz enough shit. His dad hated gay people in the “as long as they’re behind locked doors” way that was a thin way of hiding that the locked doors he wanted them behind were the ones of a mental hospital. The type of homophobia that spat out slurs like threats and then made fun of people for not liking being threatened. It hurt, the idea that one day his dad was going to know. Even if Kaz ran far, far away his father seems so... powerful, like he could find him wherever he goes. No way could he ever know. Never. Kaz won’t die over this.

“Well...that was dramatic,” he said to himself, failing to alleviate the tension he created. He knew he couldn’t tell his Dad but he has to tell someone... right? Right, no way he’s chickening out of this shit, he has to talk to someone about this, he just needs to find the right someone. He’s been friends with Hajime and Sonia since middle school and now that he doesn’t feel rude for saying it because he’s gay himself, Hajime has always seemed a little... yeah. But what if he doesn’t know yet? If someone thought he was gay yesterday he would’ve run for the hills. Which is... a bit telling. But that’s enough of an objection to drop it.

Now how about Miss Sonia? She’s always defended gay people when he said homophobic stuff in the past. When they first met their relationship was strained. Kaz wasn’t quiet about his crush on her, which he now feels may have been a bit of overcompensation, but will that make her less likely to believe him? Nobody has ever asked if he was gay before and he doesn’t know if people see him like that. Sonia is rich, which is annoying sometimes, but she’s always as compassionate as possible and when she’s not it’s not for a bad reason, he used to be annoying as hell. And well, he still kind of is. He believes in her to believe in him. And so he makes the call.

“Hey Miss Sonia, do you have time to talk? I’ve got something important to say.”

“If this is one of your fake proposals, shark boy, I don’t want to hear it” oh so she thought those were jokes?

“No Princess, this is real, it’s important.” he tried to put a lot of feelings behind his words so she would listen but it was a lot easier because, fuck, he was already crying, god this is harder than he thought it’d be.

“...Okay, I’m alone in my room now Souda. What’s wrong? I can tell something’s wrong, did your dad say something? Do I need to get my driver to pick you up?” she was worried in a way that made her casual richness kind of endearing and he started to choke on his tears

“God, sorry Miss Sonia nothing’s wrong really” why was he crying? She isn’t Dad, why is he crying, fuck.  
“Um, I uh.” FUCK.  
“I... um. Sorry for wasting your time.” and with that, he hangs up.  
.  
.  
.  
“I can’t do this” his voice is weak as it echos breathlessly into an empty room. His hand shakes as he picks up his phone anyway. His hand tremors with every letter as he types “I like guys” into the text bar.  
He hits send.  
He cries and he doesn’t know why.

_Everything will be okay. What if she tells dad? She would never. What if he goes through my phone? I’ll just delete the text thread like always. What if she hates me?_

His thoughts were cut short by his phone lighting up.

“Kazuichi I couldn’t be happier you trusted to tell me. I will always (platonically) love you and nothing could ever, ever change that. This is amazing news and I’m glad you’ve found this part of yourself. If you ever, ever want to talk about it I’m here with open ears.”

Well, that was... completely in character. His heart was still racing as he tried to collect himself and typed a reply.  
“Thanks, Sonia. It means a lot and I love you too. p fucked up u felt the need to say platonically though i mean im in a crisis here. /j"

Putting away the comedic demeanor a sudden realization hits him.  
“God I’m going to have to do this again at some point. FUUUUCK.”  
It did not occur to him that it might get easier as he fell asleep.

_All of a sudden he was in a packed room, a party._

_Sonia and Hajime were horribly dancing to the music. He was drinking in the corner smiling at them, proud, both of them had just come out and were having the time of their lives celebrating that._

_It was then he locked eyes with the truck owner from the shop. The man in the scarf smiled a familiar smile at him. Kaz looked at his friends and then at the man again._

_“Fuck it”_

_Kazuichi doesn’t remember this when he wakes up._


End file.
